Healing questions

I've been thinking about healing lately. Well, more like trying not to think about it. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and its been worse this year than ever before. And its hard to know where to stand when all around me, people are talking about how God heals, and praying for the sick and I'm lying in bed because doing anything else just seems like too much effort. But I have these friends that are so freakishly well meaning and caring. They won't let me wallow or forget that they care or that God cares. So I'm left with questions. Oh goody!

Last weekend Murray & I were playing Settlers of Catan (a very addictive board game if you don't know it) with some friends, like we do most weekends. We've recently added a newbe to our ranks. (Its important to ad new people to this game because we're all so practiced that we need someone to lose.) Anyway, my buddy, Brad Jersak has been playing with us recently. Brad has this way of looking at life that is so fresh and childlike.

We were talking about healing, or rather, they were and I was really trying to ignore them and play the stupid game. He was saying that when we ask why stuff happens, or doesn't happen, such as why am I sick, or why doesn't he heal me, we are implying blame. Rather, we need to ask where? Where is Jesus in this? Where is Jesus in my exhausting day? He said we need to stand at the crossroads and grieve, and wait and do battle.

That was a paraphrase. Brad said it all so much better, but basically, when you start with the assumption that God is good and we are in a battle, the questions change. The trouble is, I really hate this battle. We've been in it for so long. And that grieving thing really wrecks me.

So there you go. That's where I am today. Trying to plan a dream interpretation seminar, maintain two different websites and a business, keep three teenagers in school and keep these internal questions from taking over. Basically, I'm a mother in 2007.