Tuesday, November 27, 2007

What might be possible?

I have a meeting tonight with the team that I'm working with on the seminars that we do, called iChange seminars. I'm supposed to report on what I've been working on for our iCall evening, an introduction to our other seminars. The question we're asking in that evening is "Why does one need a mission, or why do you need to know what you are called to do?" I'm supposed to talk about how insecurity holds us back from things. So, since I need to work it out in my head and I have this little blog thingy going, I'm just going to write what I'm thinking and you can give me feed back. I might even be able to mess with your heads a little in the process, cause that's what I really enjoy. So here goes:

Insecurity is not knowing or not believing that you have the right or ability to stand where you are called to stand. Do you know where you called to stand? Who you are called to stand as?

Insecurity is fear about who you are and fear that you aren't good enough or that you are not allowed to be who you are, where you are. The flip side is the love and joy and acceptance of who you are and where you are, knowing that Jesus is with you there.

If you were entirely confident in who you are, in where you are, and that He is with you there, and 100% for you, what might be possible?

For many, that would change everything. For others, that would change significant part of your life. Is there any that wouldn't be changed?

Take a minute to get quiet. Take inventory and notice the areas in your life that you're not secure in. That you're unsure of yourself. That you don't have a clear purpose in. Notice where the insecurity is around who you are and where its around what you do. Notice where you feel like God isn't there with you.

Pick one area and ask these questions: What might it be like if I knew who I am and where I am is accepted, important, commissioned, loved? What might it be like if I knew that Jesus is 100% for me here? The He will not turn away, look away, be angry, be distant. That He is 100% committed to walking this journey with me? What might this be like? What could be possible then?


When I asked these questions of myself, in the area of finances, this was my response: (I chose this area because it is an ongoing area of growth, where, although we don't lack from money coming in, Murray and I are both not so good with managing money.)

I felt scared, uncertain, confused, in denial, not sure of where to stand or what to do. If I knew who I am in this area, I would use my authority instead of not looking, avoiding, crying for help. If I knew where to stand, I'd stop worrying about worrying Murray and saying 'no' to the kids, and do what needs to be done. I'd stand in relationship with Jesus instead of expecting Him to look away.
If I knew He is for me here, not distant or uncaring, I would speak the word with Him, and expect victory over debt, release of finances for the kingdom. I'd expect to have fun with money.

So the thing is, I know these things with my mind, and have already walked these places to some degree. So why am I still not living it, believing it?

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ugh.
You would have to ask these questions..now...ugh.
{sigh}
Okay.
I am scared, worried, frustrated, confused, and not sure where to stand about being a single women.
I don't know how to act, or be.
I keep trying to ignore when I feel ostracized....but the feelings just go deeper.
I feel small and insignificant, like what I say, and feel, and do is not important to anyone.
So, even though I fight outwardly to believing in my own value, inwardly, I am battling myself.
If I knew...I mean KNEW my value...I'd be a different person.
Sometimes, I am a different person...then I respond badly to some junk thrown at me...and I find myself cowering in a corner again.

So, does it help just to say this?

Kelly Dueck said...

You tell me. Does it help? Or do you mean does it help me. It always help to hear you.
Next questions: What is it giving you to cower instead of stand? Is it worth the price you pay? Is there a better way to get what you get when you cower and still stand?

Hee, hee, You're so much fun. I love the Ughhs.

Anonymous said...

You always laugh....I think you find me somewhat amusing...

Okay...I know you've asked me these things before, and as usual, they make my head spin.
What do I get from cowering instead of fighting?
I get to stay in the dark, and not be seen. I get to be anonymous instead of a name people know.
...and I know you get THAT....
When I asked if it helps, I think I meant both...you and me. I was wondering if it would make me deal with it better to talk about..and I wondered if you would like another subject to experiment on...

Fighting takes so much effort. Lots of times, I just want to sleep, maybe let it go away..whatever 'it' is.....
I don't know if there is a better way. I'm too tired to figure it out.

Kelly Dueck said...

Oh honey, you're my ultimate test subject, but you know I love you. I do laugh, but not because you're in pain. I take it away if I could.

As always, its a privilege to see your journey.

Anonymous said...

I know, Kell.
I love it that you find me amusing. You help me appreciate myself.
With you, I feel like I am kinda funny in a cute sorta way...
Plus, it's mostly your fault.
You put me on the 'warp' program...and now it's yielding results.

I've been mulling over the questions some more...
I think, as a single woman, I want to enjoy the freedom that could exist for me.
After all, I don't have to be concerned for a spouses'feelings, needs, or desires. I can make the choices, and follow through with them.
It can be very cool...but I struggle with allowing myself to live it fully.
Like I'm guilty or something....I've have to think on that some more.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I just went to your sidebar...it's looks like you've been perusing some fun blogs...I like letter to Kamp Krusty.
I should have suggested that one to you...it seems like your sort of humour...

Anonymous said...

Someone told me recently that we live in a product driven society. No matter the amount of effort put into something..if it does not produce VOLUME...the effort is not praised or valued. The problem here as I see it is that value is given to perceived results. The scriptures tell us that what is unseen is more real that what is seen. No one can measure the return on the developement and growth of the effort alone..only the measurable definable perceivable results. SO I stand...as I am..in this moment: Me. In a measurable world...that is truly immeasurable.Value is intrinsic: it is set by the ONE who made it all. It is not dependant on our human nature...our human qualities..our talents...our wisdom...our view point.Our value system ..the measuring stick by which we measure everything is flawed by its very existance...we made the stick...it has no value in the big picture..the tapestry of God...the beauty of his Holiness that has somehow fashioned me..complete and worthy of saving, sanctifying... worthy of loving...worthy of existing. I am HIS..and by definition..I am secure...in him: defined by him!
Ok...love you Kelly...and the way you dance...and mess around with the grey matter!