Had an interesting conversation with my friend Che today. Our conversations are always interesting and usually one or both of us is in tears at some point, to my continuing disgust. But here's what I'm thinking about. This whole blogging thing is messing me up! I'm kind of enjoying watching the struggle as I vacillate between erasing the whole thing and just wanting to write. Feeling like I have things to say that need to be said and that I'm answering questions that nobody's asking.
What's really telling is how much I really just want to erase this and walk away. Then Che, wonderful person that she is, brings up the phrase, "being seen", which my little brain automatically translates to "You're hiding again."
Crap! To say it nicely. I thought I had gotten rid of that nasty little habit. You see, I've spent most of my life playing it safe, in order to 'be good', as previously stated. While it's true that I have taken quite a few significant risks over the years, those risks have actually brought me more safety. The word 'hiding' for me has become synonymous with keeping my mouth shut and being good in order to avoid conflict or judgment. I hate that!
So, here I am, still typing and not erasing. To quote Graham Cooke, "Oh that you would risk more..." So that's all I have to say for now. I'm going stew some more. What exactly does that say about me that I'm enjoying watching myself struggle?
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8 comments:
Hi Kelly - I'm Ché's friend in Portland...from the conference...anyhow I saw your comment on her blog and followed you over here.
I just want to say that I look forward to reading more of what you have to say...Ché speaks so highly of you.
Incidentally, I quit "hiding" about 3 years ago...one of my very best friends actually said that to me. "Quit hiding". That's not to say I don't still, sometimes, but now I tend to speak my mind and not be afraid of rocking the boat a little.
Nice to meet you.
Hey, my fine-feathered-friend...
I saw that look pass over your face when I said "I was letting myself be seen...".
Ha. Ha-ha.
This has it's amusing attriutes...as often when we converse, God uses something you've said to knock me upside the head....nice to know it happens to you, too.
:)
Love ya, babe.
Oh, and meet me friend Erin...up above.
Erin, meet Kelly.
Kelly, Erin.
:)
Hi Erin, heard a lot about you, too. Always nice to meet a fellow weird person/ I mean, friend of Che's.
So....write more.
Please.
I love listening to you talk..er..read what you write..
Anyways, just enjoying.
It's almost like having you close by again.
Hi Kelly. I'm Mike
Welcome from someone who has never known what it is to play it safe until recently. It's still very hard to me to imagine not just "doing stuff just because".
I look forward to reading about your thoughts.
"Weird person" suits me just fine.
Suits Mike, too.
Oops, did I just say that out loud?
:-)
Ouch! Does that mean I'm being transparent? Now I have to go take a nap and decide whether or not that's good.
;)
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